O Allah, do I always ask for this?

I've just finished my medical interview with IUMC(Irish University of Medical school Consortium). Honestly,I'm quite nervous to know the results, about who gonna be the selected one to study in Ireland.
Comments on my performance during interview? My answer is "bismillahi tawakkal alallah...". Allah knows what best for me.

I want to share one of my thought before attending this interview with all of you.

One of my junior gave me one verse from alQuran, from surah Hud: 15-16 which says,


"barangsiapa yang menghendaki kehidupan dunia dan
perhiasannya,pasti Kami berikan (penuh) atas pekerjaan
mereka di dunia dengan sempurna dan mereka di dunia tidak
akan dirugikan. Itulah orang-orang yang tidak memperoleh
sesuatu di akhirat kecuali neraka,dan sia-sialah di sana apa
yang telah mereka usahakan di dunia dan terhapuslah apa yang
mereka kerjakan."

Masya Allah. I dont want to be one of them, who Allah mentioned will enter the hell just because you never bother your life in akhirat.

I reflect myself.....starts with the UPSR.....I've never expected to score straight A's...then I don't want to enter sekolah agama, because I am not prepared to be that 'good'. It's not my place...

Then Allah give me Seratas, an SBP, science school in Taiping which I think this school really taught me a lot about life and Islam...5 years in Seratas is so wonderful...

BUT, when I was in form 5, I went to KISAS for a discussion programme with their prefects and Badar...and it suddenly popped out from my mind,"kenapa laa Allah tak izinkan aku dapat offer Kisas dulu?bumi Kisas ni sangat memikat hati...tenang je rasa.."

but I quickly clear my mind back." huda, ade hikmah dapat Seratas. Allah knows what best for you."

Yup. Seratas is totally among Allah's gift which make me feel so grateful. alhamdulillah.

Then PMR, SPM alhamdulillah I'm able to score with flying colours. Succeed in MARA interview, got medicine, going overseas are the following Allah's gifts. I dont want to study abroad actually, because I love the Arabic language( which i've learnt for 4 yrs in seratas) but by Allah's will, i failed to get a place to study medicine in UIA.

Then Allah gave me MARA College Banting, IB diploma with a wonderful friends, deeper Islamic understanding etc...this is too much for a mere servant at Allah's eye like me. Allah knows what best for us.

I want this, Allah give it to me. If I dont get what I want, Allah give another alternative, which better than the one that I've choose.

Such smooth path in my education part makes me feel worried. O Allah, do I always ask for this? to be successful in my life.....what about my life in hereafter??

I dont want to be with those who disobey you...but am I qualified to enter your jannah?? O Allah, forgive me for such thought, forgive me for everything....

I don't want this...I want a smooth path in hereafter in seeing you my God...I'll do everything for a better life in hereafter, help me Allah as I have no strength at all...